Questions of an Adoptee (2)

Does gender affect adoptees?

I heard that female adoptees tend to draw themselves inward and also try to get the approval of their adoptive parents by trying to be perfect. I also heard that males tend to be more destructive in their behavior and go against what is wanted of them. Of course, each situation is different. It is interesting to think about, so I will have to look into this idea more.

How many adoptees want to visit their birth country?

I want to go back someday – I just don’t know when. Lately, I have been more interested in looking at my past and seeking clues that may lead me to my birthparents or the adoptive family who took me in before I was taken to the orphanage.

What is the ideal age for adoptees to go back to their birth country?

Is it beneficial for adoptees to go back when they are young, so they can have an early connection to their roots, or is it good for adoptees to go back when they are older and aware of their situation?

How can we decrease the number of cases that happen when parents cannot keep their children?

Medical reasons, poverty, war, and government policies tend to be a few main reasons for families giving up their children. What can be done to aid families who suffer from these reasons? Also, would making birth control more accessible help with decreasing the number of children born into families who cannot support them?

How can technology and DNA testing help adoptees search for their birthparents? What are the limitations of technology and DNA testing?

How affordable is DNA testing? How many places do not have internet access? How much control does a government have over the media and internet?

What are the misconceptions of adoption?

What assumptions do people make about parents who adopt and about children who are adopted? Maybe it’s only me, but I am bothered when people casually say that they might adopt because it’s easier than giving birth or because it’s a good thing to do. I’m also bothered when people say adoptees are lucky because they are living a better life now than they would have. I am very grateful for everything I have now, but saying I have a better life makes it seem like I am rejecting the past or that I would not have been happy with my birth family.

When do adoptees begin to wonder about their birthparents?

If adoptees want to learn about where they came from, when do they begin to ask questions? I can’t remember when I started to think about my birthparents. It may have been when I was a young teen – when my appearance was really changing. I know that thinking about it would come and go quite quickly. Maybe something in school brought it up, but I just let it pass, and I moved on. Since moving to a big city and being with my Chinese American boyfriend, I have thought about it a lot.

Do they identify with their adoptive culture or their birth culture?

I identify mostly with American culture, but because I was born in China, and I look Chinese, I have settled with calling myself Chinese American. I am also more interested in learning Chinese culture and language, so I feel more comfortable identifying with the “Chinese” in Chinese American. However, as an adoptee, I still feel a bit confused.

How do Asian Americans differ from Adopted Asian Americans? (Same goes for any race.) 

When I first met my boyfriend’s family, it was a bit unsettling to see them all look alike. Although I was a bit envious, I was mostly curious about how the family interacted with each other. Sometimes I felt awkward because I wasn’t sure if they followed Chinese or American ways. How should I act? It seemed like they followed a mix of the two cultures.

How do adoptees feel when they are the only child? How do adoptees feel when they have adopted siblings? How do they feel when they have siblings who are biological to their parents?

I have an older brother who is adopted from a different country. I’ve never thought of him as anything other than my brother. We can relate on adoption in a few ways, but we also differ. We also relate and differ on many other things that don’t have anything to do with adoption. I think that if I had a sibling who was biological to my parents, I would feel more pressure to achieve, and I would feel more left out. It’s hard to say, though, because it’s only speculation.

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3 thoughts on “Questions of an Adoptee (2)

    • Thank you for your comment. It was a good reminder to how gender isn’t as simple as male and female. I will try to work on keeping a broader mind. I am glad to be reminded or informed about things that I may miss or not understand.

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