“Mommy!”

As I was walking to my car, I noticed a cute, small girl with dark black hair and a yellow top sitting on the curb. An older woman with light brown hair and fair skin stood within reach of the girl. I wondered if this woman was her mother even though they were different races. I wondered if the child was adopted, like me.

“Mommy!” The girl called out suddenly, and not a second later, the woman turned and tended to the child.

This caught my breath, and as I walked closer to where they were sitting, I may have stared a bit too long. I pondered the idea of stopping and talking to them. I wanted to ask if she was adopted and where she was from. My heart longed to express my own experiences, and I felt a connection to this little girl – I wanted a connection.

Alas, I continued walking forward, and I didn’t look back. She reminded me of me . . . but I didn’t want to disturb the mother and daughter or make them feel uncomfortable. Would the mother have been receptive of my thoughts or would she have rather been left alone? Would the child look up to me or would she be frightened by talking about adoption? Maybe the girl wasn’t even adopted but instead her father was Asian? Or maybe the mother was a stepmother? I didn’t know. I continued walking forward.

After reaching the parking lot and starting my car, I began to think more about how I appeared to others as a child—did people do a double take when I ran into my mother or father’s arms? Do people do that now whenever I am out with them? Do they think that I am adopted or do they think something else?

I also wondered if other people who are adopted would want to stop and talk if they suspected that the other party had a connection to adoption. I suppose the best time to meet others with adoption ties would be at a gathering, where everyone attending wants to be there to talk about their situations. The gathering would be a safe place to converse openly and ask questions that may come off as too forward.

I’m currently connected to a few adoption groups through Facebook, but I am hoping to join local communities where I can talk face-to-face with others. I think groups are a great way to find and bond with people—people who have the same struggles and questions, who can provide different perspectives, and who can be a support that makes the adoption experience a bit less isolated.

Thanks for reading! I welcome anyone who has had a similar experience to the one I described above to share it in the comments below. If you are an adopted person, have you stopped to talk with strangers who appear to be related to adoption? If you are a parent of an adoptive child, have you had other adopted-related people randomly come up to talk to you or have you gone to talk to others? How do you feel about these situations?

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2 thoughts on ““Mommy!”

  1. I am a caucasian mom with a Korean-American daughter and 4 African-American children, as well as 6 other children. My daughter, her two bio-kids who are half Caucasian, 2 of my AA kids, a friend who is AA and her son who is AA were all together at a waterpark this weekend. I didn’t notice many looks, but couldn’t help but mention to my daughter that people must really have a hard time figuring out how our group fits together. I never mind when people have questions, but I prefer that it wasn’t in front of most of my kids as they prefer to blend – which considering the group I just described is pretty ridiculous. Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you for sharing as well. Personally, I think I might feel more comfortable traveling with other people of color if the public was staring since it would mean I wasn’t being singled out. However, your situation is very unique and definitely different from what I have experienced. I understand how your children may want to just blend – I’ve felt that way, too!

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