After seeing a play two years ago about the Korean adoptee finding her birth mom, I decided I want to search for my birthparents. The problem is that I don’t know where to begin, and I am scared of what may happen. I have researched adoptees’ experiences growing up after they’ve been adopted, and I have visited China as a study abroad student, but I am inexperienced when it comes to searching for international birthparents.
A moment ago, I briefly looked on the internet for how to start searching, and I was instantly overwhelmed from just the first couple links. Where to start? Who to contact? How much money? Is it safe? How long will the process take? What documents do I need? What if I come up with nothing?
As I browsed through the mass of questions regarding adoption, I felt like crying again. It seems impossible to find my birthparents, and the process seems so difficult. Just searching for how to search for my birthparents opens the gate to many questions and pain. I am pretty sure I only have a limited time frame to search since no one’s getting younger, and this adds to the stress and anxiety. I want to research. I want to try to find them. But I don’t know. The world doesn’t stop for one person. I still have school and a career to think about. And, I am afraid to search and reach out, only to be devastated when nothing shows up. I am afraid that I will be misled – that hope will appear before it’s smothered. Even though I know the chances aren’t in my favor and that all I can do is try, I am afraid to have my heart broken again by the parents I have never known.