Ready, Set, Write!

Hi. I’m back. It’s good to write after a long hiatus, but it’s also really hard! I jumped on again because in the last week, I have had two people ask for my adoption blog’s address. So, thank you to those two people, and thank you to whoever is reading right now, whether you’ve been following my blog all this time or if you’re a new reader.

Knowing that my experiences can help others gain a bit of insight on Chinese adoption really encourages me to continue sharing. It gives me strength to write a memoir that I know I must do. At times, it’s really tough for me to write, because my mind often freezes from thinking overload. I wish there was a refresh or restart button for my brain, just like one on computers. But, I have to be patient and let myself process things, even if my eyes are about to cross and my mind goes blank. And this is why I have not written in so long! Moments when I can’t think have come up all too often, and this is because . . .

I HAVE FOUND MY BIRTH PARENTS.

Yes. I have found them, and I have met them.

How?! When?! Where? Why? And now what? And now what . . .

Good questions. It’s funny to say, but I am asking myself these questions right now at this very moment. My mind is turning, pausing, flickering, rewinding, and fast forwarding. I need to process this information, and that’s okay. This is normal.

As I digest what this all means to me, I will write a first, rough, cringe-y draft of my adoption story, and I will post blog updates as I tumble along. For the next few weeks, months, years (???), I hope, word-by-word, that the memories I write will take shape and form a memoir worth reading.

 

Reflection on Studying Abroad in Beijing, Summer 2014

When the plane in Minneapolis took off, I was hit with a lot of emotion – happiness, excitement, nervousness, reprieve, and even sadness. I was happy because an adventure had just begun, but I also suddenly felt sad because the realization kicked in that I was finally returning to the country of my birth. I thought to myself, “I am going back and my birthparents don’t even know.” They don’t know I will be in Beijing, learning Mandarin and Chinese culture. They don’t know the work I’ve put into this moment. They don’t know any of my fears or aspirations. They know nothing about me, and I know nothing about them.  Continue reading

My Story and China’s Changes – 我的故事和中国的变化

For a class project, I created a Chinese blog on weibo http://www.weibo.com/p/1001603738125783453499

It’s a great feeling to be able to express some of my thoughts in Chinese, even if it’s at an elementary level. I am also happy to share my adoption story with my Chinese teachers and peers, since they often do not know about international adoptees.

Xiamen 1996

厦门市公证处 — My family and I in 1996 at the Xiamen City Notary Office

Continue reading

Searching for How to Search for My Birthparents  

After seeing a play two years ago about the Korean adoptee finding her birth mom, I decided I want to search for my birthparents. The problem is that I don’t know where to begin, and I am scared of what may happen. I have researched adoptees’ experiences growing up after they’ve been adopted, and I have visited China as a study abroad student, but I am inexperienced when it comes to searching for international birthparents.

A moment ago, I briefly looked on the internet for how to start searching, and I was instantly overwhelmed from just the first couple links. Where to start? Who to contact? How much money? Is it safe? How long will the process take? What documents do I need? What if I come up with nothing?  Continue reading

Alone in the Crowd

On the bus ride to the Great Wall, I almost lost my composure because I started thinking about my adoption. I thought to myself, why am I doing this intensive language program? What benefit does this have for me? These thoughts triggered my hopes into thinking that I’ll definitely be glad to have learned Mandarin so I can talk to my birthparents. But, of course, I don’t know if that’s even a possibility. I don’t even know where and how to start searching for them. Also, my birthparents may not even know how to speak Mandarin, if I am able to meet them. Continue reading